The words may be careful while the body underneath them is braced, defending or asking the other person to make something inside you go away.
A free three-part video series
Two people were never meant to be this much to each other.
We ask one person to be lover, closest friend, family, counsellor and community all at once, and then we blame the relationship when it strains. These three sessions were filmed inside a live Love, Relationships & You training, where Christian maps what actually holds a relationship up and Sylvie guides practices you can take home the same day.
Start the Free SeriesThree sessions · 66 minutes · Free inside the Heart iQ Hub
The conversation beneath the conversation
You can know every communication tool and still lose each other in the moment.
A technique only works when you are available enough to use it. Once shame, fear, collapse or protection has taken over, the words keep coming out correctly and land nowhere. This series begins in that place, with the part of relating that most advice skips over, and with the question Christian keeps returning to: how do you find your way back to your own goodness so that connection becomes possible again.
One relationship gets asked to carry old hurt, present needs, repair, friendship and every kind of emotional support at once.
One person arrives ready to repair while the other needs space, nourishment or time to reconnect with themselves first.
Real participants, real practices
Filmed inside a live training, with the practices left in.
Session One gives you the map of what closes a heart and what reopens it. Session Two slows everything down until the body can speak before the story arrives. Session Three helps two people locate where they actually are, so the next move can be repair, nourishment or expansion rather than a guess.
You can watch on your own, and the guided practices become richer with a partner, a friend or anybody else curious about how they meet you. Nothing here requires a romantic relationship.
Detailed session notes sit beside each video, including diagrams, practice instructions and clear ways to continue after the session ends.
5,000+people experienced Heart iQ
30+countries reached
25years developing the work
The part almost nobody is told
Most of what a couple believes is their problem is a shortage of tribe.
In the first session Christian makes a claim that tends to land hard. We are attempting relationship in a way human beings have never done it before, asking two people to carry a weight that once belonged to a much wider circle. It is a recent arrangement and it was never going to hold.
When brothers and sisters and a wider circle come back in, a surprising amount of what looked like a fault in the relationship simply stops being there. Couples are often astonished at how much they had been blaming each other for something that was never about the two of them at all.
Your three-session journey
Understand what closes you, feel what is actually here, and choose what happens next.
The release schedule begins when you enrol, so you have time to watch, practise and let each session land.
01
Available immediatelyWhy Better Communication Isn’t Enough
17 minutes
Christian shows why the right words land heavily once the heart has closed, how a childhood without consistent attunement becomes the protection you still carry, and he maps the four levels of relating: your connection with yourself, the we-space between you and your partner, the brothers and sisters around you, and the tribe that holds all of it.
02
Releases 72 hours after enrolmentLet Your Body Speak First
26 minutes
Sylvie leads a somatic tracking practice with Christian, slowing everything down until the body can speak before the story arrives. You will learn to name raw sensation without interpreting it, follow an impulse deliberately, and notice whether what you just did opened you or closed you.
03
Releases 144 hours after enrolmentKnow What Your Relationship Needs
23 minutes
Christian maps the three directions a relationship can move in at any given moment, expand, nourish or repair, and why choosing the wrong one causes most of the damage. Sylvie then leads the Meta Check-In, a short practice for finding out where you both actually are before either of you tries to talk about anything.
The method behind the series
What is Heart iQ?
In this short introduction, Christian explains how Heart iQ works with words, body, emotion, energy and spirit, and why authentic connection asks for more than saying the right thing. The three sessions then let you see and feel that approach inside a real relationship training.
Meet your teacher
Christian Pankhurst
I did not come to this work because I was good at relationships.
I'm Christian Pankhurst, founder of Heart iQ, and I will be your guide through these three sessions.
I came to this work through my own nervous system first. A childhood shaped by intensity and a lack of safety left me with anxiety and a deep sense of disconnection. What began as a search for relief became a lifelong study of what lets a person stay open and present in connection, especially when it gets hard.
I trained first in the sciences, with a degree in Human Sciences and Chiropractic, and then as a facilitator in Neale Donald Walsch's Leadership Education Program, where I was mentored as his protégé. Around twenty-five years ago I began the work that became Heart iQ, a structured and embodied approach to relating that is now practised and taught around the world.
I have led hundreds of retreats and trainings since 2002, with people travelling from more than thirty countries to sit in circle with us. In 2016 we bought New Eden, our own custom retreat centre on its own land in the Frisian countryside. It moved this work out of hotel venues and into a home built for it.
I have never seen myself as someone who fixes or heals anyone. My work is to create the conditions where another person's own capacity and goodness can finally emerge.
“Christian Pankhurst knows how to articulate these messages as well as, if not better than I can. He is a profound source of wisdom and depth.”
Meet your practice guide
Sylvie Fröhlicher
Embodied practice begins before the story.
Sylvie Fröhlicher is an integrative coach and Heart iQ certified circle facilitator whose work brings body, mind and relationship into the same conversation.
She has spent more than six years working one-to-one with clients and facilitating transformational groups. Her approach is rooted in Integrative Body Psychotherapy and informed by somatic awareness, positive psychology, mediation, Nonviolent Communication and advanced group facilitation.
She also helps train coaches at the IBP Institute in Switzerland and collaborates with Heart iQ on events and retreats. In this series, Sylvie guides the embodied practices, helping sensation, movement and the unspoken become available before the story takes over.
- Three-year Integrative Coaching training, IBP Institute
- Two-year Circle Facilitation and Group Dynamics training, Heart iQ Academy
- Certificate in Positive Psychology with Dr Tal Ben-Shahar
- MA, University of Zurich, focused on Political Science, Economics and Psychology
From people who have done it
What participants say
“We came as a couple married 25 years, thinking we knew everything about each other. We left knowing we had barely scratched the surface, and with a way to truly hear each other.”
“We shared things with each other we had never shared in seventeen years of marriage. We finally felt met.”
“As guys, we do not know how to access our emotions. Heart iQ made it safe for me to go there, and it changed everything in my marriage.”
Held in the Heart iQ Hub
Everything in one place, at your own pace.
- Private video access tied to your Hub account
- Detailed notes, diagrams and practice instructions beside every session
- A clear bridge into the Insights to Intimacy ebook and companion course
- Later sessions stay visibly locked until their personal release time
When the three sessions leave you wanting the rest
The next step is the complete four-day virtual retreat.
The introduction came from Love, Relationships & You. The complete 2023 retreat replay opens all fifteen original sessions, more than 23 hours of teaching, guided practice and live relational work. Watch it at your own pace in the Heart iQ Hub, with 90 days of access to Z alongside you.
A few practical answers
Before you begin
Is the introduction course free?
Yes. The three recorded sessions and their detailed session notes are free inside the Heart iQ Hub.
Do I need to join with a romantic partner?
No. You can watch alone and do the practices solo. A partner, friend or practice buddy can make the relational exercises richer, but it does not need to be a romantic relationship.
When do the sessions become available?
Session One opens immediately. Session Two opens 72 hours after your original enrolment, and Session Three opens at 144 hours. Rejoining does not reset the release schedule.
Is this therapy?
No. It is relational education and guided practice. You choose your level of participation, and either person can pause or stop a practice at any time.
What happens after the series?
You will receive a short documentary showing couples doing this work inside a live Heart iQ event. After that, we will invite you to explore the Insights to Intimacy ebook and companion course, and Love, Relationships & You if you want to experience the work live.
Begin
Session One is ready when you are.
Use the email address you want connected to your Heart iQ account. We will open the first session and send a secure link so you can return from any device.
Free to join, and your three sessions stay in your Hub for you to return to whenever you want them.