In circle work, one of the things I hold most carefully is sovereignty. Nobody is instructed to be cathartic. Nobody is pushed into big emotional release just because the room is doing it. That said, being in a field where others are releasing will still land in your own system, whether you're moving or sitting still. What I teach a lot in facilitator trainings is a distinction I think gets missed constantly: catharsis without direction is almost useless. There might be a small release-valve benefit to letting tension out, but catharsis for its own sake, done for the feeling of release alone, isn't something I put much stock in anymore.
When expression stops helping
In this recording I question the assumption that a bigger release is always more useful. My own experience led me to look more closely at what I was actually feeling and towards whom.
I speak about childhood experiences that left me highly alert to my father’s moods. That vigilance later contributed to my sensitivity as a facilitator, but it also means I need to take care of myself when working with a group.
I did a lot of work to resolve the anger toward my father. Gestalt process, telling him everything I'd never said, physical catharsis, screaming, punching, kicking, trying to move the charge and direct it toward him. Some of it genuinely helped. There were things he needed to feel from me, and doing that in retreats had real power. But at a certain point it plateaued. Catharsis aimed at my father stopped landing. It felt flat, and I started asking myself why I kept doing it. I got suspicious that being angry at him had become a kind of sabotage, a convenient thing to stay worked up about rather than the real thread.
Discovering another part of the story
Eventually I also recognised anger towards my mother for not protecting me. As an adult, I could understand that she had been frightened and overwhelmed herself. I could feel compassion for her and still acknowledge what the younger part of me had needed. That discovery changed my experience of the work. It was a personal turning point, not a rule about which parent someone else should blame.
The lesson I draw is to stay curious when a familiar emotional process becomes repetitive. More intensity may not be the answer. There may be another feeling, need or part of the experience that has not yet been heard.
Sovereignty and pace
Practically, this shapes how I run a room. Sovereignty comes first, everyone moves when they're ready, not on cue. I rarely run whole-group catharsis where everybody releases at once. An amplified field like that is too much for my own system to track, and I'd rather work with focus, with one process at a time, than flood the room. Even after everything I've just described, for most people catharsis in the sense of loud, uncontrolled release isn't actually necessary to meet and heal these parts. I'd put it at maybe ten percent of what circle is built from now, less than it used to be, because group intensity can easily become peer pressure, an entrained field where people override their own boundaries without noticing until they're out of the room asking themselves if that was really a yes. That's why the rule I hold onto is to move slow. The highest quality of process tends to happen in dropped-in, tender spaces, not chaotic or fast ones.
Quiet work can be significant
So does catharsis need to be big? No. I barely use the word anymore. What we're actually doing is meeting an exiled part of ourselves and giving it sound, voice and movement, an embodied process rather than an intellectual one. Through that we get to feel more whole and widen our emotional range. It doesn't have to be loud or intense. For every moment of visible intensity in a circle, there are just as many, often more, moments of quiet and tenderness that never make it into a photograph.
When emotional expression becomes repetitive
- Notice whether the process is bringing relief or repeating itself.
- Slow down and explore what has not been heard.
- Keep participation voluntary and respect the person’s pace.
- Allow quiet feeling as well as visible expression.
