In this teaching, I use the image of stored energy to describe the experience of carrying something unresolved. I want to offer a way of relating to ourselves that does not begin with the idea that we are damaged. It is a metaphor from my practice, rather than a clinical definition of trauma.
Experiences of being missed
I talk about two kinds of painful experience: a boundary being crossed, and care or attention being absent. Childhood experiences can be especially influential, but I do not want a person to reduce their whole life to a single explanation. The question in circle is what they notice now, and what support is appropriate.
Some experiences involve obvious harm. Others are harder to name, such as feeling repeatedly unseen even when practical needs were met. Having food and a home does not tell us everything about the emotional contact a child experienced.
When independence becomes protection
In the recording I reflect on hyper-independence, including my own. Sometimes becoming extremely capable alone can protect a person from the disappointment of relying on someone. It is one possibility to explore with curiosity, not a way to diagnose neglect from a personality trait.
I also describe the gradual effect of having choices and boundaries repeatedly overridden. A person may learn to make themselves smaller. The work is to notice where there is room to feel and choose differently now, without forcing an explanation for every response.
Beginning where there is openness
My approach in this conversation starts with noticing where someone already feels receptive. We do not always need to revisit the whole history of a difficulty before discovering a moment of ease or connection. I want to pay attention to those openings and work at a pace the person can meet.
What my earlier work taught me
I draw an analogy from my time as a chiropractor. I became interested in approaches that attended to places of ease, rather than focusing only on the point of pain. That changed how I thought about working with people.
The useful principle for this conversation is to look for a place where contact is already welcome. My account of that earlier work is a personal influence on my facilitation, not evidence that one treatment is effective for trauma.
In circle, I ask where there is already a yes: a little curiosity, a welcome connection, or enough room to feel something without being overwhelmed. We can begin there and see what becomes possible.
Where to begin
Focusing on contraction
Trying to make a defended or painful place change immediately.
Noticing receptivity
Starting with a moment of ease, curiosity or welcome contact, and following the person’s pace.
