S.T.U.A.R.T. is a Heart iQ teaching model for protective habits: the ways we decide what to let in, what to reveal and when to pull away. Christian uses the image of a boundary that can be both useful and limiting. It is a metaphor for experience, not a separate anatomical system.
A strategy that once helped us cope may later make closeness difficult. We can explore its purpose before asking whether it still fits the situation we are in.
Difficult childhood experiences are not necessary for growth, and their effects are not something a person needs to justify. The focus here is on understanding how we protect ourselves now and finding more choice where that is possible.
Watch this video to hear more about S.T.U.A.R.T.
What protective strategies can look like
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Keep others out. (Manifests as a block to receiving and letting others in; this is the horizontal in Direction of Joy.)
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Keep us from showing ourselves fully to others and the world. (Manifests as a block to expressing ourselves and stepping into our full potential; this is the horizontal outDirection of Joy.)
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Keep us from fully feeling and seeing ourselves, others and the world. (Manifests as feeling numb, separate and disconnected from ourselves, other people and life in general; this is the vertical down Direction of Joy.)
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Losing contact with a sense of meaning or spiritual connection, described in this model as the vertical up direction.
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Keep our shadows hidden from the world. (Manifests as being inauthentic and putting on an act. Life is lived through a conditioned and strategic mental filter.)
The qualities in S.T.U.A.R.T.
S.T.U.A.R.T. is an acronym for:
Safety
Trust
Understanding
Awareness
Relaxation
Tenderness
These are the qualities that can dismantle the intricate defenses of our S.T.U.A.R.T. Without the additional nourishment of these qualities, S.T.U.A.R.T. strives to maintain containment and equilibrium through defense. As we develop our own Heart Intelligence, we learn to generate a more loving state in response to our fears, doubts, worry and pain, which increases our ability to be aware of our S.T.U.A.R.T. This new level of awareness enables us to let go of our defensive response to life so we can make new choices as we change our behaviors and create new experiences.
A reflective practice
Remember that we need to accept, hold and not make wrong any parts of ourselves - including the ways that we defend from experiencing joy. The first step is to become aware of the ways that we defend ourselves. What are the most common S.T.U.A.R.T. strategies that you use?
Use your journal to brainstorm. Below is a list of some examples of potential S.T.U.A.R.T. strategies to help you get started. Enjoy this opportunity to take an honest look at how you defend against joy. We all do it, so you’re not alone. Your practice for now is to simply become more aware of how you do it, while you continue to grow in your acceptance of who you are and what you do.
Potential Physical Strategies
- Withdrawing when a conversation feels difficult.
- Staying busy to avoid noticing what you feel.
- Trying to control an interaction rather than making a clear request.
- Repeating a familiar story without noticing your present response.
Potential Relationship Strategies
- Becoming critical instead of naming a need.
- Avoiding requests for support.
- Withholding important information.
- Struggling to communicate a boundary.
Potential Mental Strategies
- Explaining an experience while losing contact with how it feels.
- Treating a familiar assumption as a fact.
- Telling yourself a difficult feeling should not exist.
Potential Emotional Strategies
- Performing happiness when something else is present.
- Using humour to move away from a difficult moment.
- Finding it hard to notice or name what you feel.
These are prompts for reflection, not diagnoses. The same behaviour can have different meanings for different people.
From the recordings
What S.T.U.A.R.T. actually is
Christian describes S.T.U.A.R.T. as a neuro, emotional, energetic, physiological and psychological barrier that is semipermeable, comparing it to the membrane of a cell. Just as a cell membrane decides what nutrients come in and what waste leaves, this personal perimeter decides what experience, love or contact you let land, and what you keep out, based on early conditioning around safety.
Learning to protect ourselves
He explains that in our earliest years we had not yet built strategies to keep ourselves safe, so we were simply open to the world. Because the world is not always safe or loving, moments of hurt, abandonment or feeling unseen taught the developing self to disconnect from disconnection itself. S.T.U.A.R.T. is that protective response, not a flaw.
Why opening to joy can surface pain
Christian makes the point that lowering your S.T.U.A.R.T. does not simply produce joy. Often what surfaces first is the unfelt material that has been held back for years, because becoming open to receive joy also means becoming open to old rejection and old pain that were never fully felt.
Is S.T.U.A.R.T. good or bad?
In response to a participant's question, Christian clarifies that S.T.U.A.R.T. itself is not negative. Having a protective perimeter is useful. What can create difficulty is not having conscious control over when it switches on and off, so the practice is about developing that internal awareness rather than trying to eliminate the defence system altogether.
Shadow and emotional range
He extends the teaching to shadow work, noting that shadows are not only the heavy, shameful parts of us but can also include a fear of stepping into power or fullness. Owning and acknowledging whichever parts have been deemed unacceptable is presented as the way to expand emotional range, since whatever is cut off tends to keep pulling at the system from underneath.
Disarming S.T.U.A.R.T.
- Notice the defence strategy in action
- Bring safety to the moment
- Build trust rather than needing certainty
- Seek understanding before being understood
- Widen awareness of what is actually happening
- Allow relaxation instead of bracing
- Meet yourself and others with tenderness
